Best Matches Of The Year (so far): Rory Coyle vs Allie Katch
By Harry Miller
Rory Coyle’s Ultraviolent Championship reign was a showcase of brutality like no other but the battle with Allie Katch at All Roads Lead NORTH stands out as one of the finest examples this year.
After defending his title in a successful romantic encounter with Effy, Rory Coyle now had his sights on increasing his kill count by targeting his horror film’s ‘Final Girl’, Allie Katch. This match had become personal for the challenger who was out for vengeance for her fallen Bussy partner and was planning on doing so by ripping the Ultraviolent Championship away from the iron grip of the inaugural champion.
This match had everything you would want from a Video Nasty blockbuster: recreations from Hollywood’s past, weaponised assaults and a tasteful amount of choking. The evasiveness of the challenger was a key element of the bout as Coyle couldn’t catch Katch with any substantial offence.
If I had a nickel for every time Rory Coyle interrupted a scene recreation from a Patrick Swayze film, I would have two nickels. That’s not a lot but it’s funny that it happened twice.
The Final Girl met all expectations of an Ultraviolet title match, brutally using a kendo stick in a flurried assault before using Coyle’s classic jumper cables to attack the champions (Sick) Boy parts.
It looked like it was time to roll the credits after Coyle hit his signature Dip In The Lake but Katch did the unthinkable and kicked out at 1. There was no time to marvel at this seemingly impossible feat as Katch immediately went on the offence and tried to call cut on this horror show.
The challenger once again got a hold of the jumper cables but this time she had a more breathtaking idea. Katch wrapped the cables around the neck of Coyle and tried to add to her own kill count by hanging him over the top rope. During the commotion of this attempted murder, poor sweet innocent referee, John Myers, was unintentionally taken out by a stray elbow.
Once the oxygen had been drained from Coyle’s lungs, Katch delivered a rope-assisted piledriver that was enough to keep the champion down for a three count. However, unbeknownst to the competitors, the referee was still out of commission meaning the match will continue.
Allie Katch went to reignite life into John Myers but this lapse in concentration allowed the Ultraviolent Demon to rise from his slumber and explode a VHS tape off of the head of his victim. This assault was enough to slay the Final Girl and end this horror movie.
Allie Katch gave her all to attempt to survive the threat of NORTH’s resident demon but in the end, the Devil always gets his due.